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לע''נ חיים ישעיהו עה בן יוסף נ''י
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[00:00:02] It's a great zchus Baruch Hashem to be here with all of you.
[00:00:09] Sometimes in life you choose the zucchuyos, you choose the opportunities and the merits you have, and other times, life chooses them for you.
[00:00:17] So we'd all agree that on a Tisha BAV afternoon we'd much rather be somewhere else.
[00:00:24] We'd much rather that this day had already been transformed from a day of mourning and loss and heartbreak, to a day of incredible celebration, to a day of elation, to a day of Bracha Barakadosh Baruch Hu has a plan.
[00:00:40] And even if we don't understand it, or even if we can't appreciate it, or even if we disagree with it because we are entitled to disagree with God's plan.
[00:00:48] But even if we disagree, Kadish Baruch Hu's plan is still always the one that actualizes.
[00:00:54] So although there are many different places that we'd rather be on a day like today, although there are many different emotional states than we'd rather be in on a day like today, if this is the plan that Hakadosh Baruch Hu has for us for this year, that Tisha Ba of Tafshinpei is still destined to be a day of mourning and a day of sadness, then at least we do have the opportunity to be able to spend this time together this afternoon in effort to try to figure out how to grow from our pain, how to go ahead and turn this from a day of immobilizing grief and overwhelming sadness into a day that could serve as a catalyst for tremendous growth.
[00:01:39] Begin by thanking the sponsor of today's Shir sponsored its anonymous sponsorship.
[00:01:46] Chaim Yishayo Allah Shalom Ben Yosef. We obtained the merit of our Tama Torah. His Nesham will have an aliyah. All of the Nisham will have learning shower Bisoros Tovos should Amir Tashem bring home all of our hostages, should allow all of our holy soldiers to be successful, and should shower all of Klad Yisrael with bracha and Visoros Tovos.
[00:02:11] There's a strange dynamic that happens midday on Tisha B'Av. Tisha B'Av is the most severe day we have on the Jewish calendar on a variety of different levels. Behaviorally, emotionally. There is no day on the calendar that has the strictures and severity of this day. Even if you look at the most basic ideas of Tisha B'Av that we don't greet one another again, this goes against the very fabric of our people. We have a mission Avas the Mishnava says greet every person with a smiling countenance. And by the way, on Tisha Bab, you're supposed to greet every person with a smiling countenance, right? Even though we don't exchange effusive greetings, you're always supposed to put on a smile to another Jew. There is no day in which you're not supposed to smile, including Tisha Bab. But nevertheless, this notion that we don't greet each other, this notion again that we sit on the floor, the notion that we deprive ourselves of just basic activities of daily living, our hygiene changes, our interaction changes, everything changes. And it changes in such a profound way. And I guess even though we always know this, I think for many of us this year was even a bit more striking given the fact that we went from Shabbos into Tisha Buf, Right? Shabbos, which although there is no biblical mitzvah of Simcha, Right? There is no biblical mitzvah to rejoice on Tisha B'. Av. But nevertheless, Shabbos is such a tremendous day of Simcha. And then we go from Shabbos and we go into Tisha B'Av. It's an incredibly striking transition. It's transition that does not go smoothly. And then it gets even stranger because at midday at chatzos, everything changes.
[00:03:58] Everything changes. We go ahead and we sit on a regular chair. In fact, I'll Kotiya didn't put it on the sheet, but there is a fascinating Minogue that's brought down in the kalba. The kalba says that there was an ancient custom that after hatzos on Tisha B'Av, get ready for this one.
[00:04:18] People began to do laundry.
[00:04:22] It's always a crowd pleaser. It's always a crowd pleaser. People began to do laundry.
[00:04:27] People even in certain communities, bathed after chatsos. They didn't eat. They didn't eat. But again, laundering of clothing, bathing. And the Kabul says that although our communities don't really follow this practice, it is a practice that is recorded. It's a practice that's on the books, which is really incredibly dramatic. So from mid day on Tisha Bab. So just to understand, Tisha B'Av itself starts out, you understand, the three weeks are a reverse cycle of mourning, meaning, let's say rachmanat on. A person loses a loved one. So there's a progression to morning. There's Shiva, there's Shloshim, and then for a parent, there's Yud Beis chodesh. An additional 11 months after, after the 30 days after shloshim the three weeks are the exact opposite progression.
[00:05:19] Shavasa betamos to Rosh Chodesh AV ultimately is like good based Chodesh, like the 12 months for a parent. Rosh Chodesh AV until Tisha B'Av is like shloshim and Tisha B'Av is Shiva.
[00:05:33] All the practices of Shiva apply on Tishabov. So exact reverse cycle of mourning. And then we come to midday at Tisha B'Av and everything changes. Everything changes.
[00:05:44] And the truth is, it becomes even weirder, even stranger. If I were to ask you, what's the feeling tonight after Tisha bab is over? What's the feeling?
[00:05:55] Have to go eat, break the fast. But even before you eat, even before you eat, it's something fascinating.
[00:06:02] I'm sorry.
[00:06:04] Good, right? No, no, I know, Iris, I promise. I got it. I got it right before. I'm not talking about what you have to do, saying there is a feeling.
[00:06:14] I would describe it as a euphoric feeling. There's a certain euphoria that happens after Tishva is over. It's incredible. At least again, I'd say from the perspective of like being in shul, you know, when my rib is over, it's incredible.
[00:06:28] The same guy that was cranky and bragus 3 minutes ago now is all smiles. He's happy, he's excited. Kiddush levanashar, Kidish Levanash, no problem, right? The same guy. Kiddush levana every Matz yabis. He's out, he's out. He's like, what is Kiddush levana, right? But now Matz etisha bavav. And it's fascinating. It's fascinating that there is this euphoric feeling.
[00:06:51] So why?
[00:06:53] Why? And the question, even it extends further and further and further. This shabbos simer TZ hashem is known as Shabbos nachamu, the Shabbos of consolation. And once again there is a palpable simcha. Once Tisha Bab is over, there is a fundamental palpable simcha in the air. And yet there's one glaring question which hovers over all of us, which is what's changed?
[00:07:19] What's changed?
[00:07:22] What's different?
[00:07:24] The Beis hamikdash is not yet here.
[00:07:26] Our tsarists are not yet resolved.
[00:07:29] The hostages aren't home, our soldiers are still in harm's way, the world is still against us.
[00:07:37] And yet we're, to be honest, like, all happy go lucky.
[00:07:40] The moment that Tisha B'Av is over and again, the simcha only increases as time goes on. And this has been the narrative of Tisha BAV for the millennia.
[00:07:50] There's obviously something that's unfolding over here.
[00:07:53] There's something deeper because that euphoria, like I said, it comes even before you ate something. So you can't say that it's the euphoria of having a full stomach or the euphoria of not having to fast anymore.
[00:08:04] There's something much more nuanced that's unfolding in front of us. And that's the dynamic that I'd like to speak about today. If you take a look at number one on your sheet, there's a beautiful piece brought down by the Rebbe, the Rebbe of Rabshitz. He says as follows. Kosov, the be' er of Hashem. And brings this down. Kosov, Rabba, Kalash of Rabshitz. Shehinay, bikinis, Nemar, Eicha, Yashva Badat, the word that begins all of Tisha B'Av, Megillah, Seicha. There are kinos, many kinos, that have the same phraseology.
[00:08:35] Eicha. We translate eicha. How do we translate Eicha as how, how?
[00:08:41] Eicha is the great question. Rabbi Soloveitchik points out that on Tisha BAV we do something that we really don't do. The rest of the year, we incessantly question God.
[00:08:53] Incessantly question God during the rest of the year, you're always allowed to question God, but in general, we understand that questioning God often is an exercise in futility. You're allowed to do it, but you could question from here until tomorrow, and most probably you're not going to get answers. This is why the BAAL Shem Tov Hakodesh says that when David Amalek says, kayli, Kayli Lama Azaftani, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? And remember again, King David. King David had many sorrows in life. Every single problem in life that you could imagine. David Amalek had it. He had problems in his marriage, he had problems with his children. He had problems with his health. He had problems with his constituency. The only problem that David Amalek didn't have money.
[00:09:45] He had a lot of money. Baruch Hashem, one of the perks of being king. He had a lot of money. So there was never. And he came from a very prestigious family as well, so there was never a struggle with Parnassa. But aside from that, every single other thing that that person could struggle with, David Hamelech struggled with it. And so everybody has that moment where they're like, I can't do this anymore. Kaylie Keli lama as of Thani. Why?
[00:10:12] Why?
[00:10:13] I know I've made mistakes. I know I've done things wrong.
[00:10:17] But why?
[00:10:18] Why all of the suffering? Why all of the difficulty? And Ba' al Shem Tova Kadish says it's not what David Amalek said.
[00:10:26] He didn't say keili keili lama azaftani. But in the famous idea by the Tov, the word lama lamed memhei could be vocalized differently and could be vocalized as for what, for what?
[00:10:41] David Amalek wasn't asking why, because although why is a good question and why is a legitimate question, the asking of why in the life of a Jew is an exercise in futility.
[00:10:54] Moshe Benu also asked why the first time he went on a shlichos on an agency from God, and he goes to Paro to deliver a message of redemption. And Pharaoh says two words, tikhba ta'. Aboda. You have time to dream about freedom. That means you have more time to work. And Moshe Rabbeinu says, why are you doing this?
[00:11:11] And even the Haligemosh Rabbeinu does not get an answer to his question.
[00:11:17] You're allowed to ask, but it's an exercise in futility to ask.
[00:11:23] But amazingly enough, there's one day out of the year where we ask incessantly, and that's today. That's Tisha Bav.
[00:11:30] Because the pain becomes too unbearable, because the pain becomes too overwhelming.
[00:11:39] You know, there are times, sometimes people say things that are hurtful, that are upsetting, that are insensitive.
[00:11:47] And interesting enough, when people do that, if they're in a state of pain, we give them a little bit of a pass.
[00:11:56] Because sometimes when I just feel overwhelmed by my circumstances, stuff comes out.
[00:12:01] And even if I know intellectually it's not the right thing to say, it's not the right thing to do.
[00:12:06] In pain, we're often insensitive.
[00:12:10] In pain, we're often theologically askew.
[00:12:15] And in pain we say stuff that we look back afterwards and like, I don't know why I did that, why I said that.
[00:12:20] Tisha B' v has a lot of that.
[00:12:23] There's a lot of accusatory fingers that are pointed heavenward.
[00:12:29] It's a lot of questioning of Akadosh, Baruch Hu. How can you do this?
[00:12:33] How could you allow for this?
[00:12:35] 364 days of the year, I have all the same questions, but I know that it's not really my job to ask. It's my job to figure out what to do with these new realities.
[00:12:46] But on Tisha B'Av, everything is so raw.
[00:12:50] A Tisha bath. 2000 years of pent up pain come pouring out for a couple of hours.
[00:12:58] And I'm sad and I'm angry and I'm disappointed.
[00:13:06] And this is not even a historical discussion for us now, because I think we'd all agree that for most of us, since October 7, Tisha B'Av has become a contemporary reality.
[00:13:20] And we see the released videos of precious Jewish neshamas being held in captivity.
[00:13:28] And if you didn't see the date stamp, it could look like images out of Auschwitz in 2025, in 5785.
[00:13:43] And there is a piece of us that says Ribbono Shal Olam.
[00:13:47] What?
[00:13:49] What?
[00:13:51] What? What? What do you want?
[00:13:55] What do you want?
[00:13:58] Sure, like many of you, I come from a family of survivors, a family which was virtually wiped out by Hitler. Yemak Shimova, Zikro and grandparents, Baruch Hashem, the strongest people I've ever met in my entire life who came to this country with no nothing, with nothing, and built and failed and rebuilt and failed, never once compromising.
[00:14:31] My grandfather, Zecharin Levracha, when he came to the Bronx first coming to this country and was told that he had to work on Shabbos.
[00:14:41] And if he didn't work on Shabbos, he should not bother showing up the next week.
[00:14:47] And every Erev Shabbos, he lost his job.
[00:14:52] He would not work on Shabbos.
[00:14:57] My mother, Shisht Miuel, tells me, has told us all over the years that one of her earliest childhood memories was my grandfather Zecharona Devrakha, looking for change between the couch cushions to buy milk for his young family.
[00:15:15] But he would not work on Shabbos.
[00:15:22] And by the way, this is one story amongst tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, if not millions of stories over the millennia for our people and so on. Tisha B'Av, we have those moments where we say to ourselves, what else do you want?
[00:15:43] What else do you want? What else could we do?
[00:15:48] I will tell you personally, we go through life often in it's okay, it's okay.
[00:16:03] We go through life in the shadow of great people like this.
[00:16:09] I myself feel a tremendous sense of urgency to maximize, to do and to accomplish.
[00:16:20] Because after 120, interestingly enough, I'm not scared of giving an accounting before I call the Shabbaruch husband.
[00:16:31] I'm more intimidated giving an accounting before my grandparents Zichon And Meracha, because I know what they went through and what they built and rebuilt multiple times.
[00:16:46] What's going to be my excuse?
[00:16:49] What's my excuse for underperformance? What's my excuse for not living up to my potential? What's my excuse for not accomplishing all the things that I could?
[00:16:59] And so on. Tisha Bab, we reach these moments of almost, dare I say, exasperation with Akadesh Baruch Hu, what is it that you're waiting for? You know, people like to say more Torah.
[00:17:11] There could always be more Torah. There's never been a point in our history where we said, oh, Claudius reached enough Torah more Chaz said, there could always be more chesed. There can always be more of everything. That's beautiful.
[00:17:25] So what are we missing?
[00:17:28] What is standing between us and the Gu Ullah?
[00:17:31] And again, then we calm down a little bit and we recognize, okay, these are great questions, but that's not really our job.
[00:17:40] Our job is to do. Our job is to figure things out.
[00:17:45] Our job is to make things happen. And our job is not as much to question.
[00:17:50] And then something amazing kind of clicks after midday today. Take a look back at number one.
[00:17:56] So the Rebbe Rabshet says, we go through Tishba. We ask Ayaka Baruch Hu, where are you? Where are you?
[00:18:04] On the right hand paragraph, second paragraph, left hand paragraph.
[00:18:19] And the Rebbe says something so beautifully. He says that Kadishbaruch Hu asks, cloud Yisrael, where are you?
[00:18:25] Where are you, Claudi Yisrael, I'm looking for you everywhere. And sometimes I feel like I can't find you.
[00:18:36] And when Akhadish Baruch Hu finds us, he rejoices with us.
[00:18:40] But if you skip to the next paragraph, you'll see something amazing.
[00:18:51] Do you know what the most amazing thing that happens on Tisha bav?
[00:18:54] The Ribona Shalom says, my children, where have you gone?
[00:18:58] And the children say, our God, where have you gone?
[00:19:03] And he's looking for us, and we're looking for him.
[00:19:08] And amazingly enough, when do we find each other?
[00:19:13] We find each other at chatsos of Tisha B'Av.
[00:19:20] At Chatsos AV Tisha B'Av is when we find him.
[00:19:23] The whole year at Kadish Baruch Hu is looking for us.
[00:19:26] Tisha B'Av, we're looking for him.
[00:19:30] And midday 1:15 this afternoon, something amazing happened.
[00:19:38] We found him and he found us.
[00:19:42] And the Rebbe goes on and he says the last few lines in the left hand paragraph.
[00:19:46] He says, shakadash Baruch Hu Nimtzah in these moments of Tisha B'Av, these are the moments when we are closest to Hakodesh Baruch Hu. I know it might sound strange because we started the day in such a different emotional place.
[00:20:19] We started the day distant, we started they maybe even angry. We started the day resentful.
[00:20:25] We started the day wondering where God was.
[00:20:29] And now at Chatsos, at Hatzos, we find each other and we are together with Akadosh Baruch Hu. And it could very well be that these next couple of hours are the hours throughout the entire year when we are closest to Hashem Nat yom Kippur, nat aserisnet shuva, the afternoon of Tisha Bath.
[00:20:55] And therefore the Rebbe says, and during these hours, the rest of Tisha B'Av. Today we have the ability to accomplish whatever we want to accomplish.
[00:21:12] Overwhelming.
[00:21:14] He looks for us the whole year.
[00:21:17] We look for him on Tisha.
[00:21:19] And we finally find each other. Finally find each other.
[00:21:23] Chatzos midday of Tisha B'Av and the bar Parasha gives a beautiful mashle. If you look in the paragraph right below, on the end of number one, the footnote that says Memory mes abi v' I imola' inov.
[00:21:40] He gives a heartbreaking marshall.
[00:21:42] If there's a child, and this child saw his parents, Rahman al Aslan lo Aminu killed in front of his eyes.
[00:21:52] As painful as that is, after the child sees this, he's not going to try to find his parents.
[00:22:10] Why won't he try to find his parents? Because he knows that they're gone and that the only time he's going to meet them again is either when he leaves this world, the Mashiach comes and they are brought back.
[00:22:20] But he's not going to try to find them because he knows that they are lost to him forever.
[00:22:28] Whereas.
[00:22:37] But if chas v' shalom, that child sees his parents kidnapped right in front of him, that child will turn over heaven and earth to find his parents.
[00:22:57] And he will not be at rest until he finds those parents that he misses.
[00:23:03] When he finally does find his parents.
[00:23:06] Yisra' geish habein adm' od v' yishpoch nafsho biza kosov' she. Can you imagine that moment where the son finally finds his parents and he collapses into their arms and he says, eicha, Eicha ayeka khypasdi achracha. Father, Mother. Where were you all this time?
[00:23:27] I was looking everywhere for you.
[00:23:30] I turned over every stone to find you.
[00:23:34] The son in that moment of emotional release when he loses himself and his parents. I looked everywhere for you. Where were you?
[00:23:42] And at that moment, his father says back, ha av omerlo Gamanichi passed. Y tamidacharecha, my beautiful son.
[00:23:51] I was looking for you also.
[00:23:55] And this, dear friends, is Chatzos of Tisha Baf lish. Baruch Hu, We've been looking for you.
[00:24:03] Where have you been?
[00:24:05] We've been looking to you for strength. We've been looking for you for Chizuk. We've been looking for your assurances. We've been looking for you for Bracha.
[00:24:13] And then Chatos Hatosh. Baruch hu finds us, and we find him. And he says, my dear children, I've been looking for you also.
[00:24:23] In this traumatic moment on this tragic, heartbreaking day, we find God and God finds us.
[00:24:33] Although we are still fasting, although we still have a couple of hours until we could sustain our bodies, there is a feeling of tremendous simcha, a feeling of tremendous fulfillment.
[00:24:48] I found my father because maybe there are moments where I thought he was gone. Maybe there are moments where I thought I was never going to re establish that relationship again. Maybe there are moments I felt forsaken.
[00:24:59] But I found him.
[00:25:01] And he looks at me and he says, I've been looking for you the whole time.
[00:25:06] Chatzos haftisha bav is when we find Hakadish Baruch and Hakadish Baruch Hu finds us.
[00:25:11] There's an incredible and profound power. And now you understand a lot of the halachic practices.
[00:25:17] That's why the morning practices are relaxed as of midday, because there's a shift.
[00:25:24] I go from a state of spiritual alienation, thinking that I'm distant from God, thinking maybe that I'm rejected by God.
[00:25:34] And now I come to a state of being, an understanding where I'm beloved, I'm sought after.
[00:25:40] God has been looking for me this entire time as well.
[00:25:44] So the restrictions are lifted. We sit on a regular chair. We pull back the paroches over the aron kodesh.
[00:25:52] Kalbo said we some bathe, some do laundry, some wash.
[00:25:58] Everything changes at Chatzos because the relationship is there and perhaps even stronger than ever.
[00:26:08] So what is our avodah?
[00:26:11] What are we supposed to do for the next couple of hours? Because I want to explain what we're not supposed to do.
[00:26:20] We're not supposed to go back home now and collapse on the couch for a couple of hours.
[00:26:26] Sorry if I ruined your plans.
[00:26:29] That's not what we're supposed to do.
[00:26:31] There's too Much holiness.
[00:26:33] There's too much power, and there's too much profundity of this day.
[00:26:39] If this is the day when God finds man and man finds God, and there's this incredible relationship, equilibrium and harmony, that means that there's a power.
[00:26:50] So what should we do with it?
[00:26:52] I want to share with you an incredible game. Take a look at number two.
[00:26:59] Rabiosi said as follows.
[00:27:03] One time I was traveling on the road and I went into one of the ruins of Yerushalayim. One of the ruins. Whether this means the ruins of the Beis Hamikdash or just one of the ruins in the city of Yerushalayim, I went into one of the ruins, Lispala or at the Davin. And as we'll see in just a moment, Rabbi Yossi didn't want to daven on the road because he thought that he was going to get disturbed by pedestrian traffic. He goes into one of the ruins to Davin, waited for me outside, outside for me to come out.
[00:27:39] I finished davening. I came out.
[00:27:43] I came out davening there at the entrance, he said to me, shalom alecha. Rabbi said to me, rabiosi, Rabbi, osi bini mipne man nich nasta lokhor vazu.
[00:28:02] My son, why did you go into the ruin? Why did you go in there? I'm right to hispalo. I went to daven Vaughmer. The Elio said to me, you should have davened on the rope.
[00:28:21] Said Rabbi, I was afraid that I was going to get interrupted by pedestrian traffic. Va amalin Elion Rabi said to me, so daven is short. Daven is short. Davening, davening, daven. A shorter version, whatever exactly that means in this context, davening is short of davening. If you're afraid you're going to get interrupted, David, daven as quickly as you can. Daven a shorter version, but don't go into the ruin. And Rabiosi ends off the Gemara by saying, in that moment, I learned three things. Number one, I learned you're not allowed to go into a ruin. Number two, I learned that you're allowed to go ahead and daven on the road.
[00:29:12] And they learned that if you're davening on the road, you daven a shortened tefillah, a shortened form of prayer.
[00:29:21] And the Gemara discusses this idea. If you turn the page, the Gemara discusses in source number three, why aren't you allowed to go into a ruin? What's the problem going into a ruin? So the Mar gives three reasons.
[00:29:36] Number One because of suspicion. Suspicion of what? So essentially, ruins were often the sites of immoral behavior. That's where people went for immoral activity. It's a little bit out of the way. It's out of town. It's a little, you know, it's not inhabitation. So if you were seen going into a ruin, it's possible that maybe you were engaged in some type of illicit or immoral behavior. So in Halachon, we know that we are supposed to be above suspicion.
[00:30:01] Even if a person is not doing anything wrong, you're not supposed to do something that looks like you're doing something wrong. So Chashad Mefnei Mapolis. Mapolis makes it sound like again, because of collapse, because a ruin is an unstable structure. If you go in, it could collapse on you. And lastly, shaydim.
[00:30:20] Shaydim demons. Okay, we're not going to get into shaydim right now, right? Is it real? Is it a metaphor? We'll just take the gemara at its face value shape. Shaydim like to hang out in ruins. So therefore the Gemara says, don't go into a ruin because of three things you're going to be suspected of. Immoral behavior, danger of collapse, and shadeim. And the BAAL Shem Tov Hakadosh says that in this gemara is the very blueprint for successful living.
[00:30:47] He says, what was the machokosi between Rabbi Yossi and Eliyahu Anavi? What are they arguing about?
[00:30:54] Rabiosi lives during the time, during and after time with the Kurban structurally based on mikdash.
[00:30:59] And Rabiosi says.
[00:31:04] Rabiosi says the avodah of a Jew is to be steeped in loss.
[00:31:11] The avodah of a Jew ultimately, again, is to perpetually mourn that which we had and we have no longer.
[00:31:21] One time I was going to move myself forward in life and I decided, no, that's not the right avodah. Nichnas di Lakhorva.
[00:31:30] What have we lost over the last thousands of years?
[00:31:33] How many have we lost over the thousands of years?
[00:31:36] And if there was a decade of Tisha B', av, we would still not be able to adequately mourn our dead.
[00:31:43] And Rabiosi says, that's the avodah of a Jew. To mourn the avodah of a Jew is a retrospective existence.
[00:31:51] To take stock, to understand, to appreciate all that has been lost.
[00:31:58] And that's why he goes into the khurba, he goes into the ruin.
[00:32:01] That's where a Jew should be.
[00:32:03] A Jew should be steeped in the ruins of our people, reflecting on the losses, reflecting on the pain.
[00:32:12] And comes on Elya Navi. And what does Eliyah Navi say once the Pahlacha?
[00:32:19] Ayn nichnasin l'. Hurva.
[00:32:24] You can't live in the past.
[00:32:29] You must figure out a way to move your life forward.
[00:32:35] Why?
[00:32:36] Because Eliyahu Nabi says living your life in the ruins brings with it three. Three existential dangers. Remember again, what did the Gemara say? Remember suspicion, Mapolis collapse and Mazik in danger. Elizabeth explains these things. He says, if a person lives their lives in ruins, right? And just so you understand how profound this Gemara is for us, all of us have ruins of existence.
[00:33:08] How many of us have dreams that did not materialize? You don't even have to raise your hand because it's all of us. Unless you're under 11 or something.
[00:33:18] How many of us have aspirations that were shattered in a million pieces by ourselves or by other people?
[00:33:26] How many of us are truly in life exactly where we want to be?
[00:33:32] How many of us had visions of grandeur for ourselves? How I thought my life was going to be, my marriage was going to be, my career was going to be, my family was going to be, I was going to be.
[00:33:43] That have not come to fruition.
[00:33:46] So listen to this. Elian Avi says, if you live your life in the ruins of existence, there's three existential dangers.
[00:33:56] Number one, Hashad, which means suspicion, meaning what?
[00:34:01] You're gonna go through life always waiting for the next shoe to drop.
[00:34:07] Is that the expression, shoe to drop? Good. You know, there are people who go through life like this, and they're always waiting for something to go wrong.
[00:34:15] Always waiting for something to go wrong. And understand, this is a natural tense.
[00:34:20] It was just this past week, the Arish says, why is it that we cry at simchas?
[00:34:27] It's such a strange thing, right? Crying is associated with sadness, but yet we cry at simchas. Everybody cries at a chasin.
[00:34:34] Why do we cry at simchas? Daris says, because the neshama knows deep down that I can't hold on to this simcha. It's going to be here for a couple of hours, and then something else is going to replace it. And it may very well not be something simchadic, maybe something else. But there are people who go through life waiting for the next shoe to drop. What's going to go wrong? So if you live your life in the khurvah, then, number one, Hashad, you're always going to Be waiting for the next bad thing to happen. And you know what happens when you go through life waiting for the next bad thing to happen. You know what happens. You know what happens.
[00:35:11] Collapse. Then the next bad thing happens.
[00:35:15] It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Those who go through life with a negative attitude, those who go through life with a negative disposition, those who go through life constantly being the consummate victim.
[00:35:31] If you're the victim, you're always going to be the victim. If you're the victim, you're always going to draw the short straw.
[00:35:37] If you're the victim, nothing's ever going to go right. If you're the victim, everyone's going to do wrong by you. If you're the victim, you're going to live a life of Mappolis.
[00:35:48] Ultimately again the Chashad, the suspicion that everything is going to implode actually ends up happening. And things implode, they come down on you. And lastly, the last danger of living in the Khurba ultimately is Mazikin.
[00:36:05] You become a toxic person.
[00:36:09] Suddenly it's not just about your own negative and warped life disposition, but you have a toxic and negative effect upon other people as well.
[00:36:19] Now there are people unfortunately who lack simchasachaim, who do not have positive perspective and unfortunately again are marked by a negative outlook.
[00:36:32] And when they walk into the room, they suck all of the oxygen out.
[00:36:38] There's no room, there's no space, there's no life for anyone else.
[00:36:44] This says the Vashanta Va' Akadosh was the Machlokis Rabiosi and Elian Navi.
[00:36:48] Rabiosi says it is the job of a Jew to mourn. It is the job of a Jew ultimately again to be broken. It is the job of a Jew to live in the khurvah. And Eliyahu Navi says, you're wrong, Rabiosi, you're very wise, but not in this instance here you're wrong.
[00:37:04] We do not live life in a khorva.
[00:37:07] You can't live life in the ruins of the past because if you do, you're going to wait for the next shoe to drop. And if you live life waiting for bad stuff to happen, bad stuff will happen.
[00:37:18] And over time you just become a toxic personality which will fray all of your life relationships.
[00:37:27] So then what is the Eitza? Rabbi Oshi says to Eliot, it's very simple, remember Again, Rabiosi says, baos has in that moment I learned three things. What are the three things? Why did he tell what are the three things? If you look back at Number two, for just a moment, what were the three things?
[00:37:41] Lamarti, last line in number two. Sheyin ikhnasin lehorva. You cannot live in the past.
[00:37:48] You cannot live in the past. I know this sounds like a very strange thing to say on Tisha B'Av when we literally just spent the entire day from last night until a couple of hours ago living in the past. Okay, we did it. We did it. Now, going forward, Rabbius, I learned three things. I cannot live in the past. Number two, you have to live life.
[00:38:13] You must move yourself forward. You cannot stay in place. No matter how overwhelming the tragedy, no matter how overwhelming the circumstances, no matter how acute the pain, no matter how overwhelming the disappointment, you cannot live life wallowing in the misfortunes.
[00:38:31] Mispalin badarach.
[00:38:35] Get moving, get moving.
[00:38:38] But remember again, why didn't Rabiosi David on the road? Why didn't he David on the road remember? Why not? What was he afraid of?
[00:38:44] Getting disrupted. So remember again, he felt so much better for me to daven in the ruin by myself than to get disrupted. He says something amazing. He says, not only that, you know, sometimes when you're on the road and you have to daven, you could look at this in a literal way, right? If anyone's ever been traveling, the sun's going down, sun's going down. Talking about if you're outside of Eretisra, the best part about traveling in Eretz when the sun's going down is if you pull over to the side of the road, within a couple of minutes, there'll be nine other reckless drivers right alongside of you.
[00:39:20] In America, you'll have the rest stop at the turnpike. That's about it. So, you know, anyone who's ever had to daven on the side of the road knows those are not the Davenings you write home about, right?
[00:39:30] They're not so great. They pretty much check a box, check a daven mincha, right? Whatever. I did what I had, I fulfilled my halachic obligation. You know, Rabio says I learned something amazing, that in life, the most important thing is to move yourself forward.
[00:39:43] Even if the new journey is not as good as the previous ones, even if at the end of the day, the davening on the road is not going to be as good as other Davenings.
[00:39:54] The ichor in life is to move yourself forward.
[00:40:00] How often in life do we reach a brick wall? Do we reach some type of standstill? And we want to move forward, but we say to ourselves, how could I move forward? The new life the new journey, the new chapter.
[00:40:12] It's never going to be what I wanted. And if it can't be what I wanted, then it's not worth doing. People hide behind the veneer of perfectionism. Say, I'm a perfectionist. I'm a perfectionist. So only do things if they could be excellent. You're not a perfectionist. You'll excuse me. You're a coward.
[00:40:30] You're a coward.
[00:40:31] Cowards hide behind perfectionism, because then if it can't be perfect, gu, I don't have to. I don't have to do it. I don't have to do it. And by the way, you can count, I guarantee on one hand the number of major life accomplishments that perfectionists have, because 99.9% of life is filled with imperfections.
[00:40:51] Cowards hide behind perfectionism.
[00:40:55] Jews get on the road, do and work. I bet the davening is not going to be as good on the road.
[00:41:03] Life is just about not getting mired in the tragedies of the past and finding the koach, finding the strength to move yourself forward.
[00:41:13] This was the lesson that Elio Hanavi was teaching Rabiosi in that fateful day in Yerushalayim Iraqodesh.
[00:41:20] Don't live your life in the past.
[00:41:25] Move yourself forward. And even if the journey ahead is not going to be as beautiful as you once thought it would be, or the journey ahead is not going to be as nice as you had imagined it in your mind, or it's not going to be as perfect as you had planned in your younger years.
[00:41:43] A compromise journey is better than no journey.
[00:41:48] An imperfect Derek is always better than living your life in the Khorva Eliyahu tells Rabbi Yosi, the ichor of the Jewish is to move yourself forward.
[00:42:03] A couple of weeks ago, I came across an incredible, incredible interview with a woman by the name of Dr. Tamar Yehuda Cohen. And I put a little bit of her biography over here.
[00:42:15] She's an incredibly accomplished woman. You can see over here, doctor of immunology, inventor, entrepreneur, author, mentor, academic, lecturer.
[00:42:24] A number of years ago, she had a brain aneurysm and she was given five months to live.
[00:42:31] And with all of this also, she had a number of other debilitating health complications.
[00:42:38] She was interested, she studied a lot in this area called brain elasticity, which is this ability or this notion.
[00:42:45] I don't know what brain elasticity is, but again, the little that I gleaned from Google is that the brain is much more powerful than we even understand.
[00:42:53] And there's Much more koach embedded in there that even things that seem impossible right now. Again, if one is able to manipulate the neuro, Whatever they call it, you know, pathways, they're able to accomplish great things. To make a very long story short, she recovered. She recovered. She was paralyzed. She was paralyzed. And she made a commitment. She made a commitment to walk again.
[00:43:17] Her husband said to her, and this is an incredible story. Her husband said to her, I promise you, if you're well enough, I'll take you to the Alps. She always wanted to go to the Alps.
[00:43:28] But her husband said on, one cannot come in a wheelchair.
[00:43:35] And she said her husband obviously was giving her the chizik that she needed. And she made a dramatic and miraculous recovery.
[00:43:42] She then went on to open up her own rehabilitation center.
[00:43:47] She's a noted author.
[00:43:48] She writes her life story. She writes poetry. Incredible, incredible woman.
[00:43:54] So if you look @Source Number four, this is one section of the interview.
[00:43:58] So she opened up a clinic, and she tells about one of the patients she had in this clinic.
[00:44:08] Dr. Tamar. Dr. Tamar. Hekima Kaavorsman Baasma klinika lishikum. She opened up her own rehab clinic. Her own rehab clinic.
[00:44:18] She loves son na' al sira shaakav dimum b moachatziyagov. One time, she was treating a young woman. This woman was paralyzed in half of her body.
[00:44:29] Misbar sha osanaro sifra la rafa shalah she miska denis.
[00:44:36] So what happened? So this girl, the patient was one time talking to her doctor, and she told her, doctor, I'm telling you, I'm gonna walk again.
[00:44:45] I'm going to walk again.
[00:44:48] The doctor who's working in the Riyadh facility comes over to Dr. Tamar Yehuda Cohen. Come over, Dr. Tamar. And he says there's something amazing.
[00:44:58] He says to her, lama at Mashle Osa Lamar.
[00:45:03] He gives Dr. Tamar Musser. The doctor says, why are you misleading this young woman?
[00:45:09] Why are you telling her that impossible things are possible? Granted. Okay, Dr. Tamar, you're a miracle. Fantastic. You defied the odds.
[00:45:19] Most people don't defy the odds.
[00:45:22] So if at the end of this day, at the end of the day, this woman, this young woman is paralyzing half of her body, and medical science says there is no reasonable, foreseeable way that she will ever regain use of her body, why are you filling her head with these dreams that are not going to come true?
[00:45:43] And Dr. Tamara said something amazing.
[00:45:46] If you look at the underlined line she said this was her answer to the doctor.
[00:45:52] Echat she says, whenever I meet with patients, I always tell them one simple thing.
[00:45:57] Shi' im tashilu la'. Avot.
[00:46:01] If you are willing to work, tim tsu' makom tov yoter mehamakom sha' atem nin saim bo hayom.
[00:46:14] She says, I don't tell paralyzed people they could walk. That's not what I say.
[00:46:19] What I tell people is I give them a guarantee that if you are willing to work, you will be in a better situation tomorrow than you are today.
[00:46:32] God los I simply tell people that if they're willing to put in effort, shem tatrilu leavot.
[00:46:41] This is a mantra. If you are willing to work, timtsu es atzmichem be' makum tov yoser me' amakum sh' atem nim tzaim bohayom.
[00:46:52] If you are willing to put in effort, one thing I can guarantee you, I can't guarantee you that you'll walk. I can't guarantee you that you'll resume a normal life. But I will guarantee you that if you're willing to work, your life tomorrow will be better than your life today.
[00:47:09] Anilom avtichala nashim shum davar. She says, I don't promise people anything.
[00:47:15] An iraq omeret lahem eizo erech ve' ezamashmaut yeishla abodashalahem.
[00:47:23] The only thing is, I preach the gospel of effort.
[00:47:29] And in life, if you are willing to work, you will see results.
[00:47:37] Will it be the results you want?
[00:47:39] Will it get you the life that you want? Will you cross the finish lines and get the destinations that you want?
[00:47:45] Dad, she says, I can't give any guarantees, but I could give an absolute guarantee that if you are willing to work, your life tomorrow will be better than your life today.
[00:47:59] Godos I think one of the most incredible, inspirational, beautiful, profound, life altering statements I've read probably in the last number of years.
[00:48:17] If you're willing to work, timtsu et atz mechem me' makom tovio ter meham hakom sh' atin nimsa in bom hayom.
[00:48:25] You will find yourself in a better place tomorrow than you are today.
[00:48:30] And the truth is, this is exactly even before Dr. Tamari Yehuda Cohen, Chadish Baruch Hushevn with arichos yamim b' shanim even before she said it, it's exactly what Eliyahu Hanavi told Rabiosi in that fateful encounter in the Khurba.
[00:48:47] Don't spend your life wallowing in the destruction.
[00:48:52] Don't spend your life wallowing in the things that didn't go your way.
[00:48:56] The shattered dreams, the heartbreak and the sadness.
[00:49:01] Get on the road.
[00:49:03] Put yourself on the darach of life.
[00:49:06] And even if that is not the darach you imagined for yourself, and even if that, Derek, is not the one that you dreamed would be your life, it's the darach you have.
[00:49:17] And if it's the darach you have, then that's the one you have to maximize.
[00:49:22] Because if you're willing to find the courage to get on that road and you're willing to push yourself forward in life, and you're willing to roll up your sleeves and work, then there is an absolute guarantee your life tomorrow will be better than your life today.
[00:49:39] And I think this is exactly what happens at hazos on Tisha B'Av.
[00:49:46] From last night until midday today, we like Rabiosi. We're sitting in the khurva, we're sitting in the ruins.
[00:49:56] That was our job, that was our mandate, that was our mission.
[00:49:59] But there's a danger when you sit in the ruins.
[00:50:02] And the danger is you can get comfortable there, remain there and become some overwhelmed by the sadness of the things that did not go your way, that you give up on the possibility of creating something beautiful for yourself.
[00:50:16] And comes chatsos, comes midday, where we find Hakadish Baruch Hudesh. Baruch Hu finds us. We've been looking for him, he's been looking for us. And we find each other.
[00:50:25] And he whispers in our ear, get on the road.
[00:50:31] Move yourself forward.
[00:50:35] You know what the avoda of the rest of today is?
[00:50:39] And you could do it while sitting on your couch, just not sleeping on your couch.
[00:50:45] What do you want to do when you grow up?
[00:50:48] What do you want to do with your life?
[00:50:51] What do you want to be?
[00:50:53] Who do you want to be?
[00:50:55] What's your contribution?
[00:50:58] And it's easy in life to kind of just get used to the rhythm to the activities of daily living, which often themselves are meaningful as well.
[00:51:10] But forget that all of us are here for a higher purpose.
[00:51:13] All of us are here for something.
[00:51:17] All of us are here for more than just simply the execution of a list of tasks on a to do list. Those are important also.
[00:51:27] But we each have something. We contribute to the world, contribute to our families, contribute to our communities, contribute to Kali Yisrael. What's your contribution?
[00:51:39] But you'll say to yourself, but no, it's not, it's not for me.
[00:51:43] Because my life has not gone as planned.
[00:51:46] Because my life has been sidelined by trials and travails.
[00:51:51] Because. And you fill in the blank. Whatever it is, my marriage, my career, my health, whatever else it might be, my kids, my friends, my. Whatever it is, my stuff has not unfolded as I had wanted it to.
[00:52:05] And because life has not gone according to plan. Therefore, that absolves me of the responsibility to accomplish.
[00:52:13] And Hakodesh Baruch Hu whispers in our ear right during this fateful rendezvous of Chatzor son Tisha B' Av Shefeleh, I love you.
[00:52:21] But you're wrong.
[00:52:23] You can accomplish.
[00:52:25] Get yourself on the darach. And even if the darach that you have ahead of you is not the Derek, you had a mind for yourself.
[00:52:31] What's your path? What's your plan?
[00:52:34] What's your contribution?
[00:52:36] Who are you going to be?
[00:52:40] This is the avodah of Tisha Bav afternoon.
[00:52:43] This is the avodah of the next few hours. And by the way, do you want to know why there's euphoric simcha When Tisha B'Av is over, do you want to know why that is?
[00:52:53] Because there is no greater joy in life than knowing that you have a Runway in front of you to something great.
[00:53:01] I don't even know what it is. I don't even know what it is. My wife and I are opposites in this extreme. My wife, Baruch Hashem, she's calculated. She likes to know what's going to happen when. To me, to me, I find excitement a little bit in the unknown. She could tell you many stories of when we were first married and I was offered positions in four far flung places. And I was all worked up, all excited. And I'm like, okay, when should we pack? And I got that look. That look, okay? The women know that look.
[00:53:32] That look like, okay, why don't you go play in your room? You know, the adults. The adults are going to make life decisions right now.
[00:53:39] Okay? And she was right 10 out of 10 times. That's the truth. I'm not just saying that because she's here. It's really true.
[00:53:47] But there is no greater Simcha in the world than knowing that you have something great ahead of you.
[00:53:54] No matter how many problems you have. And all of us have problems and some of us have big problems. But even with all of your problems, even with all of your challenges, even with all the difficulties, there's a Derek for each of us.
[00:54:07] And all the tragedy and all the heartbreak and all the sadness that we mourned over the last night and this morning, none of that derails me.
[00:54:16] There's a derech ahead of me.
[00:54:18] And even if that derech is not as glorious, beautiful, or exciting as the one I had once imagined for myself, there is a beautiful life. There is a beautiful life of accomplishment that is waiting for each of us.
[00:54:32] That's the euphoria of masehtisha. That's the euphoria of shabbos nachamu. That's the euphoria that sweeps over us tonight. Because this morning, I felt like my life was just one big shiva. Maybe that's it for the rest of my life.
[00:54:47] And now I realize that that is false, that is untrue.
[00:54:50] There is a beautiful darach ahead of us.
[00:54:54] So Aravoda, during these remaining hours of this precious and holy day, is to figure out, what do you want to do?
[00:55:05] What do you want to be?
[00:55:07] You don't even have to make a grand, comprehensive life plan, but just choose something.
[00:55:14] Choose something.
[00:55:16] And by the way, and I say choose something.
[00:55:19] Choose something that's meaningful. You know, excuse me for saying this, not, you know, I've been saying Nishmas 42 times in three minutes.
[00:55:30] Going to say Nishmas 47 times in two minutes. Saying Nishmas is beautiful and incredible. Tefillah is incredible. Tefillah is when you ask God for stuff.
[00:55:41] Action is when you demand results from yourself.
[00:55:45] God is ready to help.
[00:55:48] But I often think that sometimes we spend too much time looking heavenward and not enough time looking, looking inward.
[00:55:57] We're waiting for God. God is waiting for us.
[00:56:00] And we play this game of chicken. Who's gonna act first?
[00:56:04] Who's gonna bring gula first?
[00:56:07] We daven. We should continue to daven.
[00:56:10] But this afternoon is about, what are you gonna do?
[00:56:12] What's your avoda? What's your action?
[00:56:16] Maybe you want to change a relationship. Maybe you want to change amida. Maybe you want to change a career. Maybe you want to change your parenting style. Maybe you want to change your dating approach, whatever it is, what do you want to do with your life?
[00:56:30] Because there is a beautiful Derek ahead of each of us.
[00:56:35] And if we find the strength to dust ourselves off, get out of our own way, stop perpetually mourning the losses of the past, stop feeling sorry for ourselves about all the things that didn't go our way and figure out how to move ourselves forward.
[00:56:54] If we do that now, in this moment of Ran devi with Hakodesh Baruch hu, then there is no telling what we can Accomplish.
[00:57:03] And can you imagine, I don't know how many people are here today, but imagine if every single one of us here go home between now three minutes to four. I'm going to be finished in two minutes.
[00:57:15] Imagine if for the next couple of hours we just think about what we want to do. And tonight on Matzai Tisha B', Av, we take the first step towards that. Derek, that means hundreds of people and we're force multipliers because all of us have avenues or strings of connection, whether it's the family or friends, and inspire them to do the same.
[00:57:36] Can you imagine the ripple effect? It's not a ripple effect. Can you imagine the tidal wave of kedusha that is going to sweep over cloud Yisrael?
[00:57:47] So tired of waiting for Mashiach.
[00:57:51] So tired of waiting.
[00:57:53] We want Gula now.
[00:57:55] We want Qians Hameisim now. We want the Beis Hamikdash now. But if we want it badly enough, then it is time ultimately again for courageous action.
[00:58:07] And courageous action is not the same as heroic action.
[00:58:10] The Akedah was heroic action.
[00:58:13] Kadish Baruch Hu doesn't demand of us heroism.
[00:58:16] He demands of us courage, encourages the willingness to leave your shattered dream and disappointments behind and creates something beautiful for yourself in the future.
[00:58:29] I mentioned this during King this. With this I'll conclude Last night in our shul, Moratiri Price ran a beautiful program for middle school girls.
[00:58:39] And they had a komzat. It was really beautiful. And I came in to speak at the end and I don't know what. I don't know why I said this, but I told the girls it was very overwhelming. I don't know why. I think actually, I think I know it was overwhelming. I think it was the first time in my life on Tisha Bav that I was in a room with all children.
[00:59:03] I never had that experience before. I'm not even home at all in my own house with Tisha and my children, but a room, just children. I think there were three adults in the room, probably about 100 hundred girls in that room.
[00:59:17] And to me it was so incredibly overwhelming.
[00:59:21] Overwhelming because so much of my kidneys preparation was focused on children.
[00:59:29] Was focused on children of our people have been so brutalized.
[00:59:36] And to sit in a room with these sweet, innocent girls, different ages, some of them know what's going on. Don't know what's going on.
[00:59:49] And I said, girls, I want to make you a promise.
[00:59:51] I don't know why I said it.
[00:59:54] I say, I promise you.
[01:00:01] I promise you that Mashiach is going to come during your lifetime.
[01:00:07] I promise you.
[01:00:12] And it probably was a little bit of chutzpah, because I don't have the ability to make promises like that.
[01:00:18] I don't know what it was just about. The beautiful innocence and the contrast, the contrast of what we read about happened to our children in previous generations.
[01:00:31] And to see those beautiful. A room filled with innocent children. Beautiful, innocent children.
[01:00:39] Good, pure, incredible.
[01:00:43] I promise you, you're going to see Mashiach.
[01:00:47] And I realized afterwards that it's the promise that all of us should make to our children, and not just on Tisha B'Av maybe if a person is zocha to have children before you tuck your children at night to whisper in their ear.
[01:01:05] I promise Shefeleh, Tatullah, Mamilla, whatever you call your children, I promise.
[01:01:11] I promise with all of my heart that you are going to see Mashiach or to your grandchildren.
[01:01:20] And if we're going to whisper it to our kids and to our grandkids, then perhaps that creates the machaev, that creates the obligation for us to do our part to make that come true.
[01:01:33] And we each just find our darachi, just find our path ahead, leave the khurva of broken dreams and shattered aspirations, and go on to build something new for ourselves.
[01:01:50] Maybe it doesn't just have to be a whisper, a wish or a promise made at a tisha BAV komzitz.
[01:01:57] But perhaps it could become the true reality for our people.
[01:02:01] May we be so chemir tzashem to find our path, to leave behind our chorban May bezokheim Eretz hashem to continue this shiur for many years to come.
[01:02:12] But not here, not here. May we be Zokhamir and hashem that much sooner, but the latest by next tish above. That we should be zocha to be together in Eretz Yisroel.
[01:02:25] That we should be zocha Amirat hashem to see the rebuilding of our third Beis Hamikdash.
[01:02:29] That we should be zocheimerat hashem to see all of our hostages home. That we should see all of our dead returned to their families and brought to Kevari Yisroel.
[01:02:38] That we should see all of the broken hearts finally mended. That we should see all of the tears dried.
[01:02:47] That we should see besoros tovos Yeshuas and the chamas for every single Jew.
[01:02:52] That we should be zilcha Mirza hashem to finally not talk about Mashiach as a goal, a dream or an aspiration, but be privileged to welcome the Melech ha Mashiach to our ranks, to our midst, and to our lives.
